新高考读后续写高分素材--微技能之细节描写

新高考读后续写高分素材--微技能之细节描写 - 图文下载本文

文章发布时间 : 2024/11/15 2:08:11星期五

读后续写微技能之细节描写1

高考中续写的文体主要为记叙文。顾名思义，记叙文主要以记叙事件为主，因此需要用到许多的细节描写以使文章生动，言之有物。不少学生语言功底不错，但是续写始终得不了高分，其中一个原因可能就是细节描写的缺乏。

那么，续写该如何写呢？我们应该做到兼顾概括描述和细节描述，而且要多用细节描述。所谓概括描述是指对一个事件的总体描述，而细节描述则是对事件的具体描述，来对之前的总体描述进一步解释说明，这样能够使得描述更加生动，有画面感。举例：

如表达一个人的疲累时，可用概括描述：she felt exhausted. 同时辅以细节描述She felt exhausted and sat by the stream, resting her aching feet. 如果大家注意这些细节的描述，一定会为你的记叙文续写增色！ “感到害怕”的细节描述

当看到那只凶恶的狼时，我感到很害怕。

1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 ______________________________________

2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。 1） _______________________________________ 2） _______________________________________ 3） _______________________________________ 参考答案：

1.At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I felt very scared.

2. 1）At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I felt so scared that my throat tightened and my knees felt weak. (嗓子发紧，膝盖发软)

2）At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I froze with terror, too scared to move an inch.(吓呆了，不敢动弹)

3）At the sight of the ferocious wolf, I was seized by a strong sense of horror and my palms were sweating. (被深深地恐惧感所控制，手心出汗)

表感到兴奋 thrilled

当主持人宣布她获奖时，她兴奋极了。

1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _____________________________________

1.When the host announced that she won the prize, she felt thrilled.

2. 1) When the host announced that she won the prize, her eyes twinkled with excitement.（激动得两眼放光）

2) When the host announced that she won the prize, her heart was thumping with excitement. (激动得心砰砰跳)

3) When the host announced that she won the prize, a wide excitement took hold of her. (兴奋不能自已)

感到悲伤”的细节描述一听到那个坏消息，她悲伤不已。

1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 _____________________________________

1. Upon hearing the bad news, she felt extremely sad.

2. 1）Upon hearing the bad news, her heart ached, tears streaming down her cheeks. (心痛，眼泪直流)

2）Upon hearing the bad news, she, numb with grief, had trouble speaking. (悲伤到失去知觉，不能开口说话)

3）Upon hearing the bad news, she felt seized by a burst of sadness and couldn’t help crying bitterly.(被一股悲伤之感控制，忍不住哭泣)

“感到开心”的细节描述当妈妈亲吻他时，小baby开心极了。

1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 ______________________________________

1.When his mother kissed him on the cheek, the baby was happy/delighted/full of joy.

2.1) When his mother kissed him on the cheek, it seemed as if the baby were on top of the world. (非常开心)

2) When the mother kissed the baby on the cheek, his face beamed and his bright smile lit up the room. (眉开眼笑；笑容照亮房间)

3) When the mother kissed the baby on the cheek, his eyes danced with joy and sweetness. (欢欣雀跃)

\感到羞愧\的细节描述她感到非常羞愧。

1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。

___________________________________________________________________________ (答案见底部Key 1)

2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。 1）_________________________________________________________________________ 2）_________________________________________________________________________ 3）_________________________________________________________________________ (答案见底部Key 2) 参考答案：

Key 1: She felt ashamed. Key 2:

1) She felt so ashamed that she could feel her face burning.(脸上滚烫)

2) So ashamed was she that she could feel the blood rush to her face. (血液涌上脸颊)

3) So ashamed did she feel that she was close to tears. (快哭了)

“感到生气”的细节描述 Sheldon感到非常生气。

1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 ______________________________________

2、请你在此概括描述的基础上增加细节描述，注意逻辑关系以及语意的合理。

1） _______________________________________ 2） _______________________________________ 3） _______________________________________ 参考答案：

Key 1: Sheldon felt very angry. Key 2:

1) Sheldon felt so angry that he stormed out of the room, slamming the door furiously behind him. (冲出房间；狠狠摔门)

2) Boiling with rage, Sheldon shook his fist at me.(怒火中烧；挥舞拳头)

3) Filled with fury, Sheldon was unable to utter a single word. (充满愤怒；说不出话)

“感到绝望”的细节描述 Tony感到很绝望。

1、大家可以先尝试用概括描述，先将意思表达清楚。 ______________________________________

Key 1: Tony felt hopeless/desperate. Key 2:

1) As the result of an accident, Tony was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness and sank into hopelessness. (被投入黑暗之中；陷入绝望)

2) Tony felt left out and was getting desperate with loneliness. (感觉被遗忘、忽视) 3) Tony's beliefs in looking forward and seeing the positive in everything deserted him.

“人的行走之态”细节描述

1、踉踉跄跄

________________________________________ 2、悄悄地走

________________________________________ 3、猛冲

________________________________________ (答案见底部)

Keys:

1. The player lost his balance, staggered back and toppled over. 这个运动员失去了平衡，向后趔趄摔倒了。

2. She slipped out of bed and tiptoed to the window. 她溜下床，踮起脚尖走向窗户。3. The minion made a rush for the door and escaped from the scene. 小黄人向门冲去，逃离了现场。

人的说话方式”细节描述

说话的方式多种多样，如果都用talk就显得索然无味，也不够准确，所以要多积累各种各样的表达。 1、说长道短；八卦

________________________________________ 2、小声咕哝

________________________________________ 3、嚎叫

________________________________________ (答案见底部) Keys:

1. The whole company is gossiping about the reason for his dismissal. 整个公司都在谈论他被免职的原因。

2. He murmured against the strict rules of the reality show. 他私下低声抱怨真人秀的严苛规则。 3. Treated so unfairly, she howled in pain and anger. 被如此不公正地对待，她痛苦而又愤怒的嚎叫。

细节描述之“思考”

如何表达一个人暗自思索时的样子对学生来说是很困难的，大多数情况下，学生往往会选择避开，但是，人无时无刻不在思考，强行避开会使得故事内容上有些不衔接。所以，今天我们就一起来学习一下如何表达一个人的思考神态。

1. 得知问题所在之后，他的大脑开始急速运转，想要想出一个好的解决方案。 ________________________________________________ 2. 独自一人时，他总是会想到那可怕的经历。 ________________________________________________ 3. 在他洗澡时，突然想到了一个好主意。

________________________________________________ (答案见底部)

Keys:

1. After he knew what the problem was, his mind began to race, trying to think of a good solution. (大脑飞速运转)

2. When left alone, he would always be haunted by that horrible experience. ([不好的回忆]萦绕心头挥之不去)

3. When he was taking a shower, a brilliant idea suddenly crossed his mind . (突然闪过某人的脑海)

细节描述之“describe a peaceful scene”

今天，我们来看看该如何描述安静祥和的场景。 1. 享受阳光

__________________________________________ 2. 山间有小屋和田地

__________________________________________ 3. 入暮时分，芦苇随风飘扬

__________________________________________ (答案见底部)

Keys:

1. When I was bathed in the sunlight, it felt like the amber-like sunshine was kissing every inch of my skin. (沐浴在阳光下；琥珀色的阳光亲吻着全身的肌肤) 2. Mist-covered mountains were dotted with small farms and villages. (点缀着) 3. The sound of my footsteps was accompanied only by the gracefully waving reeds. (优雅地随风飘扬的芦苇)

细节描述之“describe stormy weather”

今天，我们来看看该如何描述风雨交加的天气。 1. 乌云密布

__________________________________________ 2. 劲风恶浪肆虐

__________________________________________ 3. 暴雨疾风

__________________________________________ (答案见底部) Keys:

1. The sky is overcast, darkened with gloomy clouds.(乌云密布；黑云压顶)

2. On that dark and stormy night, the waves were crashing and the winds were howling. (海浪肆意拍打；劲风咆哮)

3. The rain came pouring down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house. (暴风骤雨)

读后续写对话中的常见误区

1 废话连篇，无助推动情节发展，刻画人物性格。 “Hey, how are you?” “I’m fine, how are you?” “How is the weather?” “Terrific! Nice day for a walk, isn’t it?” 评析：这样的对话在现实生活中很真实，但是小说毕竟是艺术加工，无助情节推动的，不能刻画人物性格的日常寒暄和偏离文章主线的对话绝对不用。

2追求花哨，过度使用对话标签dialogue tags “That is fantastic news,” he said happily. 评析：此句中完全没有必要加上一个happily来表达说的方式，因为句中的fantastic一词足以说明说话人了表情，过度强调dialogue tags 会让读者的注意力集中在“说话的方式”而不是“说话的内容”。

建议改为：“That is fantastic news！” he said/screamed/exclaimed. (一个感叹号和一个fantastic已经足以让读者想象当时的情景。适当的“艺术留白”也是需要的，这样会留给读者想象的空间。

还有一种避免过度的dialogue tags的方法是运用“动作描写”来取而代之。

如：Her eyes reflected the candlelight as she smiled at her son.“Everyone is unique. Just follow your heart and be yourself!”

3 用词不当，错误使用对话标签dialogue tags \\评析：以上两句话也是我在大量的学生习作甚至是范文中发现的。这里把动作描写和dialogue tags 混淆了，试想谁能gasp（喘息）、chuckle（轻笑）出一句话？除非他或她有特异功能。纠正方法如下：

\,\said with a gasp. （Question tag+ with介词短语）

Emma gasped. \ （动作描写+句号）

\.\ Emma gasped. （对话句断+动作描写）

\!\Henry chuckled. （感叹句结束+动作描写）

\,\said, chuckling. （Question tag+ 分词做伴随状况）请特别关注以上对话的标点。

4 多此一举，对话对象十分明确，仍使用对话标签 “I told you already,” I said, glaring. 评析：此句貌似豪华，其实对话中的主语“I”已经清晰地说明了说话者，完全没有必要用question tag“I said” 来说明说话对象。纠正方法：加上一点动作描写就可以避免这种错误，并且提升语言的生动性。

I glared at him. “I told you already.” 5频用副词，词汇贫乏只会tell 不会show

“How can you do this？”she said angrily，looking at me furiously. 评析：此句也是貌似“高大上”，使用了大量副词，并且套用了分词做伴随的句型。任何方面都有度，过之而不及。过度堆砌辞藻会让人生厌，过度使用副词也会让阅卷老师觉得你词汇贫乏，非得用副词才能表达出来。 2大纠正办法：

1）积累相关的 show 的词汇来避免过度使用副词

2）穿插动作描写辅助对话，刻画人物心情试比较以下两句：

“That’s not what you said yesterday,” she said, her voice implying she was withdrawing. “That’s not what you said yesterday.” She hesitated, turned and walked to the window. 评析：两句话粗看都是相当不错。无论从词汇和语法结构的使用似乎都属于上乘之作。但细细琢磨下面这句反而更高一筹。原因是，第一句用了imply 和withdraw 两词来tell说话者she的心情，而第二句hesitate 和后面的动作描写让她的犹豫心情跃然纸上。小说故事要的就是这种show的方式。

分析对话实例，揭示对话秘诀

Example 1

原文内容：作者爸爸在阳台种植康乃馨，悉心呵护，作者一家都非常喜欢这些花。爸妈再三

强调不允许作者和他姐姐不能触碰这些花。

To our surprise, Dad was mad about it, yelling at us, “ Don’t you know touching is not allowed? What on earth have you done?”

赏析：反义疑问句和on earth 的使用加强了语气，凸显了父亲的生气。

Example 2

原文内容：母亲去世，哥哥外出。父女相约吃饭，引发了女儿对母亲和哥哥的思念，父亲读懂了女儿内心的想法，安慰女儿。母亲在天堂一定希望他们过得快乐，现在他们需要做的就是珍惜身边的人。

Seeing this, my father lovingly held my hands and said to me, “Sweetheart, I believe your mother must want you to live happily, so say goodbye to the past and embrace the present. Your brother and I will always be with you.”

赏析：情感类的对话要求感人，触及内心，这点此对话做的不错。但是小编也要对此对话

提出点意见1）文中的and said to me 完全没有必要，因为对话对象非常清楚，肯定和我说。2）your mother 显得太疏远，亲人间相互称呼用Mom 即可，更显真实，贴近生活。 Example 3

原文内容：作者家突然停电，虽然弟弟觉得停电时间非常无聊，但是作者却非常享受停电时间，享受“没有现代电子科技带来的干扰”的宁静片刻。

Bzzz! The lights return. “ Yeah, no more candles!” My mother yells, pulling me away from my fantasy.

赏析：对话简洁自然，表达了说话者恢复用电时候的兴奋，对话外面的dialogue tag也很

出色，分词的使用既丰富了语言也推动了情节的进一步发展。

Example 4

原文内容：主人公Jenny 通过自身的劳动获得了心爱的项链，形影不离。父亲每日给她讲睡前故事。父亲故意试探女儿，问是否可以把项链给他。Jenny深爱爸爸但不舍自己努力得来的项链。

A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story. “ Jenny, you love me, don’t you? Give me your pearls, okay? “ Daddy, why must you ask for the pearls?” Jenny refused again. “ Not only did I finish all those chores, but also I spent the dollar bill given for my birthday just to pay for it.”They both fell into silence. Then her father smiled，comforting her with a warm hug. “ That’s okey, darling. Good night.” Several days later, when Jenny’s father came in to read her a story as usual, he was surprised to find something under the story book, which turned out to be the necklace. “ Daddy, now you can have it.” Jenny raised her head,

“ You know, I love you.” Her father was moved beyond words. Slowly, he pulled something out of his pocket. It was a pretty necklace with real pearls shining. “The more you are willing to give, the more you are likely to receive. That’s the real meaning of sharing and giving.” Her father helped Jenny put on the necklace . “ You know, I love you, little one.”

赏析：此文运用了大量的对话，主要是考虑到与前文的协同。大量的父女间的对

话穿插一些旁白或动作描写很好地刻画了人物之间的冲突，细腻生动地刻画了人物心情。一般的读后续写不建议用太多的对话。适当的对话可以打破单调，推动情节，刻画人物性格。对于此文中的对话，小编也想提出点个人的意见：1）“ Not only did I finish all those chores, but also I spent the dollar bill given for my birthday just to pay for it.” 此句似乎为了使用not only…, but also 的倒装句型而写对话，显得很不自然。语句太长反而不能表达小女孩当时的生气。建议改为: “ It’s mine! My efforts!” 反而显得简洁自然，同样达到了效果，符合人在生气时候的说话方式：短句！不完整句！2）还有一处标点的使用也有误。请看：Jenny raised her head, 此处的逗号要改为句号。只能作为动作描写，而不是question tag。 Example 5

原文内容：这是一个哲理故事，讲述一位商人儿子去向智者寻找快乐秘诀。智者让年轻人带着两汤勺油绕城一周不能将油洒落。智者待年轻人回来后问他是否欣赏到城堡的美景，年轻人哑口无言。然后智者重新让这年轻人带着两勺油绕城一周，结果……

“ But where are the two drops of oil I gave you?” asked the wise man. Embarrassed again, the young man apologized, “ I had forgotten the sp totally. My only concern was the attractive sights.” “ But you have got the happiness.” Smiled the wise man…

“ But where are the two drops of oil I gave you?” asked the wise man. He lowered his head and found that there was nothing left in his spoon, astonished and embarrassed. Then the wise man smiled generously, “I don’t blame you. I just want you to realize the secret of happiness yourself. Now, could you tell me about your thoughts?” The young man thought for a while and slowly replied, “ the truth of happiness is holding our dreams tightly but never failing to watch the beautiful scenery around us.”

赏析：此文的对话主要是用来揭示故事的寓意，通常出现在故事的末尾。这样的

对话一定要写出深度厚度，才能博得老师的高分。建议可以使用强调句。此文中也

有一个标点瑕疵。请看：Then the wise man smiled generously, 此句的逗号也要改为句号，作为动作描写穿插其中，而不是question tag 。

他山石可攻玉|这些“恐惧”情绪的表达你都用过吗？

一篇出自美国初中生的看图说话

与2018年6月浙江英语高考“读后续写”酷似！

Write a short story based on the pictures below in not less than 100 words.

One weekend, my parents decided to bring my brother and I to the recreational jungle. We were very excited as we had not been there before. My brother and I talked about all the bears, tigers and reindeer we were going to see. We really thought that a recreational jungle was like any other jungle.

When we arrived, we dashed into the jungle, wanting to explore its length and breadth. We obediently followed our parents at first but found it boring. Just then, a rabbit rushed out. I screamed in delight and ran after it. My brotherfollowed quickly behind. We kept running, always keeping our eyes on the rabbit. The rabbit got tired of running and decided to hide in its burrow.

It was only then that we realized that we did not know where we were. The trees looked unfamiliar and there were no more jungle paths for us to follow. We werescared as we realized that we were lost. Night was approaching and the hooting of the owl sent shivers down our spines. I began to cry as I was feeling tired, hungry and sleepy. My brother comforted me by letting me sleep on his lap. I soon fell asleep dreaming of bears waiting to eat me up.

Suddenly, I woke up. My brother was shaking me and telling them to get up. We could hear voices coming our way! We shouted with all our might that we were lost. We soon saw beams of light from countless torches. Then we heard our parents' voices. We were safe! My brother and I ran to our parents and embraced them emotionally. We were so happy to see them again that we vowed we never wanted to be separated from them ever again. Notes：

burrow: a hole in the ground dug by an animal such as a rabbit, especially to live in send shivers down sb's spines: to make someone feel very frightened vow: to make a determined decision

Study the following the following examples and learnhow to show

one’s

fear

Example 1 - Fear:

Midnight, and someone pounded on the front door. \Mom? Dad?\ Where were they? The movie got out at 11. Molly crawled out of bed and tiptoed downstairs. A shadowy figure showed through the frosted glass in the front door. Fear nibbled at her making her knees wobble.

Mom's voice echoed inside her head. \Remember, don't answer the door when we're away.\ Molly crouched, back pressed against the wall, mouth dry-as-dirt. \Please, go away,\ her words a choked whisper.

Key Words - pounded, crawled, tiptoed, shadowy, fear nibbled, wobble,

echoed, crouched, pressed, dry-as-dirt, choked.

Comments：

1）例1中大量运用了短句，戏剧性的短句能够增强紧张感 2）这些关键字大部分都是强有力且活跃动词。

3）简短的dialogue有效推动了情节发展，营造了栩栩如生的恐惧的场景。

It's Your turn: Example 2 - Fear:

I can feel the sweat drench my skin, the throbbing of my own eyes, the ringing screams vibrating in my ears, and the thumping of my heart against my chest. My fingers are curled into a fist, nails digging into my palm. I can't hear my rapid breathing, but I can feel the oxygen flooding in and out of my lungs. Hesitantly, my eyes look at the dead corpse before me, the person I killed. Fear tortures my guts, churning my stomach in tense cramps. Fear engulfs my conscience, knocking all other thoughts aside. Fear overwhelms my body, making it drastically exhausted. However, most of all, the fear is making me calm and that is what scares me the most. Key words：_____________________________ Your treasure:____________________________

Example 3 - Fear

Time passed slowly. Cathy stayed hidden within the darkness, feeling every beat of her heart pounding on the cold stone she lay upon. The wine and ale

cellar was as quiet as it was dark, with only one sound to be heard; the sound of her own pulse throbbing in her ears. Suddenly, the serenity of silence surrendered to the deathly scream of hinges, as the door opposite her was slowly pried open. A narrow stream of light gracefully meandered through the room, and a shadow quickly followed. She was scared.

Cathy held her breathe, daring not to make a sound. Each second seemed to last an eternity as she lay perfectly still listening to the footsteps of the intruder, which had muted the pounding of her pulse. Key words：______________________ Your treasure:_____________________

恐惧来自自身，最大的恐惧其实就是恐惧本身！

读后续写微技能|如何让你笔下的对话更加准确传神

对话（dialogue）是故事角色在整个故事中对彼此或对自己说的话。它可以用来揭示人物的性格和个性，它也可以用来推动情节向前发展，并展示情节发展的过程。

对话是故事中最重要的元素之一。对话的语言要避免冗长的叙述，要避免直接告诉读者而要通过其他手段来展示它们。优秀的对话会让你故事中的人物生动立体，栩栩如生，将推动你的故事进展，使其更有乐趣，而拙劣的对话将破坏一个好的故事。

11. 如何准确使用对话中的标点请观察下面的句子。

Jack asked, “Do you think it will rain today?”

“I have a new umbrella,” explained Emily, “and I am excited to try it out.” “Why don't you check the weather forecast on your phone?” suggested Carly. “It is as simple as the smile on your face,” he said. 先看一个如何使用标点的视频英语对话标点使用规则：

第一、对话提示词（Dialogue tags）“Jack asked,”/ “explained Emily,”/ “suggested Carly,” 的位置可以放在引用的对话前、中、后三个位置。第二、对话中的逗号，永远在引号里面。对话提示词“某某人说”构成了整个句子的框架，它和它引用的部分是一个整体，是完整的一个句子。这就

解释了很多老师的疑惑，为啥对话有时候引用的对话说完了，但是后面却用逗号。如：“It was as hard as a rock,” he said. 但是： He said，“It was as hard as a rock.” 第三、整个对话（引用部分+对话提示词）完整的时候，才能使用句号。对话开始首字母大写。如果对话提示词是插在一个完整对话中间的，后面需要用逗号。且后半句话开头首字母要小写。如：“I have a new umbrella,” explained Emily, “and I am excited to try it out.” Exercise 1：给下面的句子加标点 1. There's a fifty percent chance of rain this afternoon, reported Emily. 2. Emily asked, Do you think I should take my new umbrella to school? 3. Of course you should take it to school, answered Jack. 4. If it starts raining, Carly added, you will be nice and dry. 5. Emily squealed(尖叫), I see dark gray storm clouds rolling in. 6. Oh no! exclaimed (惊叫)Jack. Carly and I don't have umbrellas. 7. Hooray! yelled（喊叫） Emily. It's finally raining. 8. Carly mumbled（咕哝地说）, My hair is getting soaked. 9. Would you and Jack like to share my umbrella with me? asked Emily. 10. Thank you Emily, said Carly. You're more than just a fair weather friend. 2 如何让你的对话不平庸对话的关注点就是故事中的角色 1）对谁说了什么话 2）说话的同时在做什么 3）如何说的例1 A: \me the money,\Katherine said. B: \me the money,\Katherine said, eyes staring at the money on the table。在高考读后续写的实际操作中，我们更加钟爱B 这种句式，既表明了说话对象，又描述了说话的方式，让读者更有画面感。例2 \me that toy gun ,\Tom said angrily. Lucy grinned, hiding it behind her back. 这组对话中的said angrily 的使用让整个对话表现平庸。改变这种现状的办法有两种 14

I. 换直接告诉的词（said angrily）为展示型词汇（如： shouted/ screamed/ barked）请看下面视频 II．在上下文语境明确的情况下，通过动作和神态描写来代替枯燥乏味的sb. said …(对话提示语)。这样处理的好处是：1）增加表现力生动性 2）避免打断对话的语流。如： Tom slammed the doll on the ground and glared at Lucy，\me the toy.\ Lucy grinned，hiding it behind her back.. 提示：在读后续写的创作中，尽量少用副词来表述说话人讲话方式（因为你用了副词那就是tell而不是show）,特别是你要主要渲染的场景.让你的对话有趣逼真有画面立体感的是你如何使用show的技能，那就一定要使用一些描绘性的动词。（他们说了什么话，说话时同时在做什么，以及是如何说的）拙劣表达： \going to the store,\ Sydney announced happily. \go with me?\ 上面这个例子中Sydney的感情是直接告知的，干巴巴的，了无生趣。优秀表达： Sydney pulled his shiny, new driver's license out of his pocket. The car keys were already in his hand as he flashed them at his little sister and grinned. \going to the store,\he announced. \ go with me?\ 第二个例子中，虽然没有用happily一词，但是Sydney的高兴的表情是通过动作描写溢于纸面。这样的表达就能博得高考阅卷老师的眼球，从而获得高分。下面的两个例子都是我们需要追求的： “I just don’t know anymore,” Mary folded her arms. “I think I’m afraid of you.” Harry sighed. “I’m sorry,” He shook his head. “I’m not very good at this.” 练习2：试比较体会下面三句话的优劣 1. But I don't want to go to sleep yet,\2. But I don't want to go to sleep yet,\whined. 3. He stood in the doorway with his hands balled into little fists at his sides. His red, tear-rimmed eyes glared up at his mother. \I don't want to go to sleep yet.\ Exercise 3：(请改写下面的句子使它表达更生动传神) “I don’t want to see you again,” Lily said tonelessly. “You don’t mean that,” Jack said desperately. 15

“You’re an idiot,” Lily said angrily.

对话并不难写。只要记住在任何时候都要生动逼真。在准确的对话格式的前提下，确保你写的所有内容都是展示出来的，不是简单直接地告诉读者在那个场景中发生了什么或者说了什么。省略副词或者不要过度使用副词。这些简单的规则可以帮助你写出出色的对话。

Possible answers for Exercise 3

Lily turned away and crossed her arms. “I don’t want to see you again.” “You don’t mean that.” Jack pushed to his feet in a rush. She glared at him. “You’re an idiot.”

读后续写微技能|氛围营造法之一: 8大场景描写技能

好的读后续写必然要有好的故事氛围。而好的故事氛围要受到多个故事元素的影响: 场景、用词选择、对话、独白、语言节奏和修辞法等等。文学中的（mood）是一种写作的氛围或普遍基调，它是读者在阅读文本时候的一种情绪体验，也是作者想要给读者营造的一种故事氛围。故事场景是情绪体验的核心因素。故事的背景和每一个场景的视觉, 嗅觉和听觉等其他感官能够营造出一种特定的气氛。今天小编就想从场景描写这个角度来谈谈如何营造（mood）。What to write? (写什么？)

Where did it take place? When did it happen? What’s the weather like? What are the social conditions? What is the landscape like? What special details to add?

How to write well? （怎么写？）Technique 1: Personification (拟人) Description/purpose:

Gives an object the characteristics of a living thing, bringing it to life Examples：

The flowers nodded. Snowflakes danced. Thunder grumbled. Fog crept in. The wind howled. The haunted house seemed to stare at me, beckoning me towards the door. Technique 2: simile (明喻) Description/purpose:

Similes likens something to something else giving a more detailed description Examples：

The night sky was as dark as the deepest ocean. The stars sparkled like diamonds. The snake moved like a ripple on a pond. Technique 3: metaphor (暗喻) Description/purpose:

Metaphors say that something is something else, giving the description more power Examples：

A wave of terror washed over him. Technique 4:Vivid adjectives (生动的形容词) Description/purpose:

To make the story more interesting and vivid by using more imaginative descriptions , sometimes in a list Examples：

Gleaming, glistening, whispery flakes of snow Technique 5: Negative description (否定描述) Description/purpose:

To tell the reader what is not there is an effective way of showing how unpleasant, comfortless a place is Examples：

There was no cushion, no carpet, no warmth, no light and no comfort. Technique 6: Camera-pan and zoom (摄影-全景+放大) Description/purpose:

To use the idea of how a film director works, you can give a wider view then focus in on one detail

Examples：

From the withering trees he looked past the littered farmyard, across to the decrepit hovel. Its doors hung sadly awry, the handle broken. Technique 7: Nouns for details (细节名词) Description/purpose:

Scenes are filled with things that we see and therefore uses lots of nouns, even lists of nouns to convey what is there. Examples：

The rooms were crowded with lanterns fastened on oak paneled walls, tableslaid with silver candlesticks and goblets. Technique 8: Senses（感官） Description/purpose:

All of our senses become aware in a new situation or place. Your reader needs to know how your character are feeling. Examples：

Wafts of salt-laden air were in her nostrils as the skittery sand on her feet led her to the edge of the waves.

Good setting description for appreciation (佳“景”赏析)

1. The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies. 2. The sun kept dipping down into the ocean and the lights came on at the harbor, casting sudden shadows on the ground, illuminating the faces that were just a second ago silhouettes. The sky was golden and purple, the ocean a darker shade of violet. 3. The sun had set, but a faint pastel haze lingered in the mid-summer sky. 4. They rolled up the path, tree branches raking the windshield like angry wardens. 5. Outside, the air filled with cricket noise, as the sun reddened in its descent. 6. A restaurant overlooking a starlit night sprang to my imagination like something out of an illuminated manuscript from the late Middle Ages. 7. The moon went slowly down in loveliness; she departed into the depth of the horizon, and long veil-like shadows crept up the sky through which the stars appeared. 8. All brightness was gone, leaving nothing. We stepped out of the tent onto nothing. Sledge and tent were there, Estraven stood beside me, but neither he nor I cast any

shadow. There was dull light all around, everywhere. When we walked on the crisp snow no shadow showed the footprint. We left no track. Sledge, tent, himself, myself: nothing else at all. No sun, no sky, no horizon, no world. 9. Night had fallen fast upon the land. No more than an hour ago the sky was painted with hues of red, orange and pink, but all colour had faded leaving only a matt black canvas with no stars to be looked upon. 10．It would be a cold moonless night. The sky was dark and low, the air so chilled it hurt to breathe. Already the ground was laid white with frost and any water that had been liquid under the winter sun had become ice.

后续写微技能|氛围营造法之二|3大高潮营造法

1What is a climax of a story?（什么是故事高潮?）

文学故事中的高潮（climax）----故事的主要场景（key scene）也通常是故事的转折点（turning point），是指故事达到最紧张或扣人心弦的那一部分。高潮有时候是剧情中的 \危机\点。有时候, 它只是达到关键时刻或者转折点, 发生了一些事情, 或者主角必须做出决定, 从而导致一个结果或其他。我们在分析叙事类故事或者小说故事的时候常常用下面的图表来表示故事情节。

常见故事高潮示例：

1. A little girl has been searching for her lost dog. All of a sudden, she hears a bark coming from around the corner, and she looks around to see . . .

2. Kevin has worked very hard to try out for the soccer team at school. The coach has posted a list of this year's team members on his office door. Kevin walks forward to look at the list . . . .

3. Mary's parents have been discussing whether or not to move to

another state. They call Mary and her sister down to talk with them about their decision . . .

4. Lois has performed in the state gymnastics finals. She waits anxiously to hear the names of the winners. The announcer says, \first place goes to . . .\

文学名著中的一些故事高潮

1. The deaths of Romeo (who kills himself because he thinks Juliet is dead) and Juliet (who kills herself when she awakes and sees Romeo dead). Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare （罗密欧和朱丽叶，莎士比亚）

2. When Gaston and the townspeople come to attack the beast, and Belle admits her love for the beast. Beauty and the Beast, Disney （美女与野兽，迪士尼）

3. In \third pig and the wolf. This confrontation is the climax.（三只小猪） 2How to create a climax of a story? (如何营造故事的高潮？) 方法1.增加外部冲突

增加外部冲突是一种明显有效的可以达到故事高潮的方式。冲突带来紧迫感, 将故事推向必要的解决或崩溃。

1）角色之间的冲突 (人物观点差异, 竞争需要等)

如：2017年11月浙江英语高考：On the fourth or fifth night, we had trouble finding a hotel with a vacancy. After driving in vain for some time, Mom suddenly got a great idea: Why didn't we find a house with a likely-looking backyard and ask if we could set up tent there? David and I became nervous. 开车找旅馆---徒劳无功---母亲建议搭帐篷在他人后院---David和我倍感紧张，心有不悦（母子的观点不一） 2) 角色与环境之间的冲突

如：2017年6月浙江英语高考： Then Mac heard quick and loud breathing behind him. ……he saw instantly that it wasn't a dog at all, but a wolf: quickly catching up with him. Mac's heart jumped. ……, he fired the spray at the wolf. A bright red cloud enveloped the animal, and to Mac's relief, it fell back, shaking its head. But a minute

later, ……. Then it ……, tearing open his tent bag. He fired at the wolf a second time, and again, it fell back ……

Mac骑车独自行，路遇饿狼，与之搏斗，险象环生。（人（角色）----狼（环境）大战）

3) 时间依赖的发展：决策变得紧急

如： 2017年6月浙江英语高考：The car abruptly stopped in front of him. \the car.\delay as the wolf was just two steps away and was about to tear Mac into pieces. What a narrow escape! 骑车突停面前---急喊上车---Max上车避险---饿狼近在咫尺（此情此景，刻不容缓）

4) 增加的障碍：人物角色必须克服挑战, 以达到他们的目标

例如：2018年6月高考But before we jumped off the horses, we found that we had been off the beaten track and got lost. We had no idea where we were and it got dark. Exhausted and hungry, I wondered if we could find our way back. 小兔突现---马儿受惊---草原迷路（障碍1）----天色渐黑（障碍2）----又累又饿（障碍3）----心理恐慌（障碍4）方法2. 放大内心冲突

放大内心冲突（你的角色的内心斗争）也有助于建立一个高度紧张和不确定的时刻。

现在我们在来看高考读后续写中的内心冲突是如何体现的：

2016年10月浙江高考： Immediately, an absolute darkness ruled the forest. Jane, exhausted and scared, lay down near a stone, missing her family at a distance. All the fantastic memory crowded in and she couldn't help crying, \Hadn't I quarrelled with Tom, walked away and climbed to the high place, I wouldn't be trapped in this awful place, confronted with the danger of dying.” She regretted with endless anxiety, and then became asleep with shining tears in her eyes.

夫妇争吵---独自行走---荒野走散---夜色渐黑---独处森林---阴森恐怖---后悔莫及（内心冲突的刻画）内心独白（往昔对比+虚拟语气使用+旁边描写是常见技巧之一）

方法3. 使用环境描写增加不确定性

充分利用环境描写可以起到烘托故事高潮的作用，具体方法可以看上期读后续写微技能。当故事角色在碰到困难时候，我们往往要加大笔墨来描写故事环境的黑暗，恐怖和不祥。强化环境描写增强了高潮元素。我们感受到了紧张的倍增。

例1：Immediately, an absolute darkness ruled the forest(黑暗). Even worse, the temperature suddenly dropped dramatically. (寒冷）

例2：It didn’t take long for the forest to be enveloped in darkness（黑暗）. Her rasping breath steamed（寒冷） in the moonlight and her throat was parched from thirst.

浙江高考读后续写微技能|12种高分开头

An adverb

Carefully, he stepped over all the broken glass. Joyfully he skipped up the street.

Para 1： (201610浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para1：But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Immediately, an absolute darkness ruled the forest. （时间副词衔接+环境描写） 2. An adj. phrase

Curious to know what was inside, he tiptoed into the dark cave. Unable to say a word, he was rooted to the spot.

(201610浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para 1: But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Desperate and hopeless, Jane knelt down, tears streaming down her face. （并列情绪形容词）

(201610浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para 2: It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Weak as she was, she struggled to her feet, continuing searching for assistance. （状态形容词+as/though 引导的倒装句）

(201806浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para 1: Suddenly a little rabbit jumped out in front of my horse. Afraid that I might hurt the lovely small creature, I automatically let out a cry to stop my horse. (情绪形容词+从句) (201806浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para 2: We had no idea where we were and it got dark. Exhausted and hungry, I wondered if we could find our way back.

3. A participle (-ing or –ed word)

Looking around him cautiously, he slipped into the room and softly closed the door.

Exhausted, he was glad the race was finally over.

(201610浙江高考读后续写范文摘录) Para1: But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Feeling disappointed, Jane had to stay alone

for another night. （现在分词+情绪形容词）

(201610浙江高考读后续写范文摘录) Para 2: It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Feeling refreshed, she continued to walk along the stream to find the way out.（现在分词+状态形容词）

4. A conjunction

As he walked, he whistled

Although he was afraid, he jumped right in. 5. A prepositional phrase

At the end of the lane he suddenly stopped.

At the sight of the snake, the little girl screamed at the top of her voice. 6. A dialogue or a monologue

“Let’s see who gets there first!” Rachel shouted, as she pedaled fast and zoomed past Jenny.

“Hold on tight!” My father yelled. We just finished bucking in as the coaster jerked into motion. This was my first roller coaster ride.

(201706浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para 1: The car abruptly stopped in front of him. \Paul shouted at Mac. 7. A character

Mark is a studious boy who loves reading. His classmates often tease him for being too hardworking and they call him Mr. Smart.One afternoon, while studying at home… 8. An emotion

The moment she saw how she did for her Science test, tears started welling up in Tina’s eyes and falling down her cheeks.

9. A setting

I closed my eyes to enjoy the gentle breeze and the sounds of the clashing waves. Gently opening my eyes, I saw my parents taking a relaxing stroll along the beach.

The cave was dark and everything was silent. I couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face. I knew this adventure was going to be something that I would never forget. (201711浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para 2: We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way. I looked out of the car window, winding rivers, lofty mountains, sunny beaches and deep valleys holding me entirely in their fascination. （视觉+环境描写+拟人） 10. An action

Furry started wagging his tail and running around in circles when he saw his master taking a leash out from the drawer. Furry was all ready for his evening walk. (201711浙江高考读后续写范文摘录)Para 1: The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us. Dad exchanged a glance with me. Why not camp to satisfy Mom? （动作描写+问句衔接） 11. Sound effects

BOOM, CRASH! The wind was howling outside of my house. We were having a terrible thunder storm. I was very scared. 12. A question

Have you ever been on a self-driving trip? Let me tell you an exciting trip my family took this summer.

Why does trouble always follow me around? Do I have a \something?

fascination. （视觉+环境描写+拟人）

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