1 Traffic is bad between my house and the theater

3 Noisy patrons

Don't want to run into Jeremy 2 Hard to be on a diet 3 Kids running in aisles

3 I'm crowded into seats between strangers who push me off armrests

1 Not enough parking

1 Parking lot needs to be expanded 1 Too many previews

Can't pause or fast forword as you can with a VCR 1 Long lines

1 High ticket prices

1 Too many temptatons at snack

stand Commercials for food on the screen 2 Can prepare healthy snacks for myself at home

2 Tubs of popcorn with butter 2 Huge choclate bars

Candy has always been my downfall 1 Movie may be sold out

3 People who've seen movie before talk along with actors and give away plot twists

3 People coughing and sneezing 1 Icky stuff on floor

3 Teenagers yelling and showing off

Under the list, Diane was now able to prepare her scratch outline:

Going to the movies offers some real problems. 1. Inconvenience of going out 2. Tempting snacks 3. Other moviegoers

Comment

After all her prewriting, Diane was pleased. She knew that she had a promising paper—one with a clear point and solid support. She saw that she could organize the material into a traditional essay consisting of an introduction, several supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion. She was now ready to write the first draft of her paper, using her outline as a guide. Chances are that if you do enough prewriting and thinking on paper, you will eventually discover the point and support of your essay. Exercise:

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Create a scratch outline that could serve as a guide if you were to write an essay about your year-ahead goals.

2. Writing a First Draft

When you write a first draft, be prepared to put in additional thoughts and details that did not emerge during prewriting. And don't worry if you hit a snag. Just leave a blank space or add a comment such as \punctuation, or spelling. You don't want to take time correcting words or sentences that you may decide to remove later. Instead, make it your goal to state your thesis clearly and develop the content of your paper with plenty of specific details.

Writing a First Draft: A Student Model

Here is Diane's first draft:

Even though I love movies, my friends have stopped asking me to go. There are just too many problems involved in going to the movies.

There are no small theaters anymore, I have to drive fifteen minutes to a big multaplex. Because of a supermarket and restarants, the parking lot is filled. I have to keep driving around to find a space. Then I have to stand in a long line. Hoping that they do not run out of tickets. Finally, I have to pay too much money for a ticket. Putting out that much money, I should not have to deal with a floor that is sticky seems coated with rubber cement. By the end of a movie, my shoes are often sealed to a mix of spilled soda, bubble gum, and other stuff.

The theater offers temptatons in the form of snacks I really don't need. Like most of us I have to worry about weight gain. At home I do pretty well by simply watching what I keep in the house and not buying stuff that is bad for me. I can make do with healthy snacks because there is nothing in the house. Going to the theater is like spending my evening in a market Seven-Eleven that's been equiped with a movie screen and there are seats which are comfortable. I try to persuade myself to just have a diet soda. The smell of popcorn soon overcomes me. My friends are as bad as I am. Choclate bars seem to jump into your hands, I am eating enormous mouthfuls of milk duds. By the time I leave the theater I feel sick and tired of myself.

Some of the other moviegoers are the worst problem. There are teenagers who try to impress their friends in one way or another. Little kids race up and down the aisles, gigling and laughing. Adults act as if they're watching the movie at home. They talk loudly about the ages of the stars and give away the plot. Other people are droping popcorn tubs or cups of soda crushed ice and soda on the floor. Also coughing a lot and doing other stuff— bs!

I decided one night that I was not going to be a moviegoer anymore. I joined a local video store, and I'll watch movies comfortable in my own living room.

Comment

After Diane finished the first draft, she was able to put it aside until the next day. You will benefit as well if you can allow some time between finishing a draft and starting to revise. See if you can fill in the missing words in the following explanation of Diane's first draft.

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Exercise:

1. Diane has a very brief introduction — no more than an opening sentence and a second sentence that states the _________________________ She knows she can develop the introduction more fully in a later draft.

2. Of Diane's three supporting paragraphs, only the _________ paragraph lacks a topic sentence. She realizes that this is something to work on in the next draft.

3. There are some misspellings — for example, __________________________________ . Diane doesn't worry about spelling at this point. She just wants to get down as much of the substance of her paper as possible.

4. There are various punctuation errors, such as the run-ons in the paragraphs. Again, Diane is focusing on content; she knows she can attend to punctuation and grammar later.

5. At several points in the essay, Diane revises on the spot to make images more ______________: She changes \\

6. Near the end of her essay, Diane can't think of added details to insert so she simply puts the letters \ \on to finish her first draft.

7. Her __________ is as brief as her introduction. Diane knows she can round off her essay more fully during revision.

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3. Revising

Revising is as much a stage in the writing process as prewriting, outlining, and doing the first draft. Revising means rewriting a paper, building on what has already been done, in order to make it stronger. One writer has said about revision, \—getting rid of all the junk and putting things in the right order.\roll up your sleeves and do whatever is needed to create an effective paper. Too many students think that the first draft is the paper. They start to become writers when they realize that revising a rough draft three or four times is often at the heart of the writing process.

Here are some quick hints that can help make revision easier. First, set your first draft aside for a while. A few hours will do, but a day or two would be better. You can then come back to the draft with a fresh, more objective point of view. Second, work from typed or printed text. You'll be able to see the paper more impartially in this way than if you were just looking at your own familiar handwriting. Next, read your draft aloud. Hearing how your writing sounds will help you pick up problems with meaning as well as with style. Finally, as you do all these things, add your thoughts and changes above the lines or in the margins of your paper. Your written comments can serve as a guide when you work on the next draft.

There are three stages to the revising process:

? Revising content ? Revising sentences ? Editing

3.1 Revising Content

To revise the content of your essay, ask these questions:

1. Is my paper unified?

? Do I have a thesis that is clearly stated or implied in the introductory paragraph of my essay? ? Do all my supporting paragraphs truly support and back up my thesis? 2. Is my paper supported?

? Are there three separate supporting points for the thesis?

? Do I have specific evidence for each of the three supporting points?

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? Is there plenty of specific evidence for each supporting point? 3. Is my paper organized?

? Do I have an interesting introduction, a solid conclusion, and an accurate title? ? Do I have a clear method of organizing my paper? ? Do I use transitions and other connecting words?

You will have practice in achieving unity, support, and organization in your writing.

3.2 Revising Sentences

To revise sentences in your essay, ask yourself: 1 2 3 4 5

Do I use parallelism to balance my words and ideas? Do I have a consistent point of view? Do I use specific words? Do I use active verbs?

Do I use words effectively by avoiding slang, cliches, pretentious language, and wordiness?

6 Do I vary my sentences?

You will be given practice in revising sentences.

4. Editing

After you have revised your paper for content and style, you are ready to edit—check for and correct—errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Students often find it hard to edit a paper carefully. They have put so much, or so little, work into their writing that it's almost painful for them to look at the paper one more time. You may simply have to will yourself to perform this important closing step in the writing process. Remember that eliminating sentence-skills mistakes will improve an average paper and help ensure a strong grade on a good paper. Further, as you get into the habit of checking your papers, you will also get into the habit of using the sentence skills consistently. They are an integral part of clear and effective writing.

Chapter 5 and Part Four of this book will serve as a guide while you are editing your paper for mistakes in sentence skills.

5. An Illustration of the Revising and Editing Processes

Revising with a Second Draft: A Student Model

Since Diane Woods was using a word-processing program on a computer, she was able to print out a double-spaced version of her essay about movies, leaving her plenty of room for revisions. Here is one of her revised paragraphs: Second, need. The theater offers temptatons in the form of snacks I really don't tempting ＾ ＾ battle an expanding waistline. Like most of us I have to worry about weight gain. At home I do pretty well ＾ by simply watching what I keep in the house and not buying stuff that is bad for me. I can make do with healthy snacks because there is nothing in however like celery and carrot sticks no ice cream the freezer. Going to the theater is like spending my evening in a Seven- ＾ ＾ 16