许多人相信“世上有一个人是你为之而生的”， and that destiny will bring them together. 而且命运会将你俩带到一起。

Such beliefs are romantic but unrealistic.

这样的想法很浪漫却不现实。

Empirical studies show that cultural norms and values, not fate, bring people together. 实证研究发现，是文化标准和价值观而非命运，将人们连系在一起。 We will never meet millions of potential lovers

我们错过了成千上万的可能的爱人，

because they are “filtered out” by formal or informal rules on partner eligibility

因为他们早就被正式的或非正式的挑选理想爱人的准则筛选出局，

due to factors such as age, race, distance, social class, religion, sexual orientation, health, or physical appearance.

这些准则包括年龄、种族、地域、社会阶层、宗教、性倾向、健康状况或外表。

Beginning in childhood, parents encourage or limit future romantic liaisons by selecting certain neighborhoods and schools.

从童年开始，父母们就通过选择某个街区和学校，或是鼓励或是限制孩子未来的情感关系。 In early adolescence, peer norms influence the adolescent's decisions about acceptable romantic involvements

在青少年早期，同伴们的标准也会影响青少年决定哪些情感关系是可以接受的 （“You want to date who？！”）.(“你想和谁约会?”)。 Even during the preteen years, 甚至在13岁之前，

romantic experiences are cultured in the sense that societal and group practices and expectations shape romantic experience.

情感经历就由社会和群体的活动和期望所决定和培养起来了。 Although romance may cross cultural or ethnic borders, 虽然爱情可以跨越文化和民族的界线，

criticism and approval teach us what is acceptable romantic behavior and with whom. 但批评和赞同教会了我们什么是可以接受的浪漫行为和与谁发生浪漫行为。 One might “lust” for someone,

一个人也许会对另一个人产生“欲望”，

but these yearnings will not lead most of us to “fall in love” if there are strong cultural or group bans.

但是如果有强烈的文化或族群反对，我们中的大多数人即使有这样的渴望也不会因此而爱上某人的。

Regan and Berscheid（1999） differentiate between lust, desire, and romantic love. 里根和波谢德(1999)曾把贪欲、性欲和浪漫的爱加以区分。 They describe lust as primarily physical rather than emotional, 他们把贪欲描述为身体上的而非情感上的兴奋， a condition that may be conscious or unconscious. 是一种有意识的或无意识的状态。 Desire, in contrast, is a psychological state 相反性欲是一种心理状态，

in which one wants a relationship that one does not now have,

在这种心理状态下，一个人想建立一种目前还不具有的恋爱关系， or to engage in an activity in which one is not presently engaged. 或者是想进行一种目前还没有进行的行为。 Desire may or may not lead to romantic love

性欲可能会成为或不会成为浪漫的爱情

（which the authors equate with passionate or erotic love）. (作者把浪漫的爱情等同于充满激情或性欲的爱)。 Regan and Berscheid suggest

里根和波谢德认为：

that desire is an essential ingredient for initiating and maintaining romantic love. 性欲是点燃并维持浪漫爱情的必要成分。 If desire disappears,

一旦性爱消失了，

a person is no longer said to be in a state of romantic love. 一个人就不能再说成是还处在浪漫恋情中。 Once desire diminishes,

一旦欲望消失了，

disappointed lovers may wonder where the “spark” in their relationship has gone 失望的恋人就会诧异原来他们关系中的“火花”去哪儿了，

and may reminisce regretfully（and longingly） about “the good old days”. 他们可能会很遗憾地(而且渴望地)怀念“过去的美好时光”。

One should not conclude, however, that desire always culminates in physical intimacy 然而，我们不应就此得出性欲总是以身体的亲密接触告终， or that desire is the same as romantic love.

或性与浪漫爱情是同一回事的结论。 Married partners may love each other 结了婚的伴侣们可以深爱对方，

even though they rarely, or never, engage in physical intimacy. 即使很少或从来没有身体的亲密接触。

In addition, there are some notable differences between love — especially long-term love — and romantic love.

此外，爱，尤其是长期的爱，和浪漫的爱是有很大区别的。

Healthy loving relationships, whether physical or not（such as love for family members）, 健康的恋爱关系，不管它们是有性的或是无性的(比如对家人的爱) reflect a balance of caring, intimacy, and commitment. 都反映了关怀、亲密和忠诚的平衡。