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Moser suggests another simple strategy to gain perspective: Using your own name instead of ¡°I¡± when referring to your emotions. For instance, saying ¡°I¡¯m going to fail¡± is harsh and doesn¡¯t allow any distance between you and the thing you¡¯re worried about. But ¡°if you talk about yourself in the third person, you can take better perspective,¡± Moser says.
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The problem with worrying is that it can spin out of control until the thing you¡¯re worried about is 10 steps removed from your immediate issue. That¡¯s why it¡¯s so important to figure out what the real problem is in order to stop the worry cycle.
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¡±When I work with worriers, I try to work on them with problem identification, and to help them be comfortable doing that,¡± Purdon says. ¡°Yes, there are some problems that could lead to something else, but [let¡¯s] not worry about that right now because it¡¯s not happening right now.¡±
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It¡¯s important to move from problem-generation, which is what worriers are prone to do, to problem-solving. ¡°Worriers think what they¡¯re doing is constructive -- that by anticipating [the future problems], it¡¯s helpful in some way,¡± Purdon says. ¡°It¡¯s reasonable, to some extent, to do that, but they can¡¯t stop themselves once they get started.¡±
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They don¡¯t stop worrying -- they just designate
time for it
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¡±One of the reasons why people engage their worry is they think, ¡®This is an issue I must sort out now, I have to anticipate and plan against these outcomes.¡¯ It grabs attention off what they need to be attending to, whether it be job, spouse, kids, whatever,¡± Purdon explains. So, she recommends using a strategy called the ¡°worry chair.¡± It works like this -- reserve a 15-minute time during the day where you can just think and ponder over your worries on your own. Don¡¯t worry outside those 15 minutes, and make sure that you¡¯re spending your worry session in the same spot (hence the term ¡°worry chair¡±!) each day.
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¡±What that means is when you¡¯re worried during the
day, you can say, ¡®I¡¯ll think about that later. I can switch my attention off that and go on to other things,¡¯¡± Purdon says. ¡°And what they find is, ¡®I¡¯m not even worried about that anymore.¡¯ But giving them permission to worry about it, but later, allows them to switch the attention away from the thought.¡±
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They have confidence they can handle whatever comes at them
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¡±People with high worry not only generate ideas about what could go wrong, they also lack confidence in their ability to cope with what could go wrong,¡± Purdon explains, adding that this is ironic considering worriers actually perform quite well in a crisis since they¡¯ve spent so much time thinking about the worst-case scenarios and have normal coping abilities. Non-worriers, on the other hand, possess the confidence that if something were to happen, they¡¯ll just ...